Axis of the Really Annoying

SeigelStock

2006-09-03T08:22:00.000-05:00

We here at the Axis do have a heart, and we want to throw our support behind Lee Seigel. We applaud the work done by Sadly, No! and The Poor Man Institute, and hope our SeigelStock helps Lee in this, his time of need.

We have so far lined up two superstars to headline Stage One of SeigelStock... first Mr. Dirty Dancing himself!

Next onstage, is the one... the only Mr. Miami Vice!

Stay tuned for the headliners of our other stages here at SeigelStock!

A response to unprovoked aggression...

2006-09-01T19:37:00.000-05:00

Amanda at Pandagon thinks she can frighten our women and children with this atrocity. Well, Amanda, we are not afraid. We are on the side of the angels. And we are perfectly capable of defending ourselves.

Because you know what's worse than crazy Europeans acting like crazy Europeans? Crazy Europeans acting like Americans:

Mark's compatriots over at Loaded Mouth joined the fray to launch this little missile. We wish them well in their struggle for freedom.

We hope this serves as adequate warning. Don't make us break out the big guns.

The Axis of Annoying Officers Exam...

2006-08-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

Pay close attention to this next video, comrades. There will be a quiz at the end for any brave young soldiers among you who wish to advance in the ranks of the Axis.

All right, now here's the quiz: How many of the celebrities featured in the video were later implicated in connection with drug use? How many were actually charged? Can you name them all?

I know, it's a tough question. We expect a lot from our officers here at the Axis. I have no doubt that some of you are up to the challenge, though. Let's hear it!

With friends like these...

2006-08-21T10:09:00.000-05:00

Hey OOC, have any lethal new weapons for us today?

[OOC]:

Hmmm... that was pretty creepy. Seemed to be missing something though. Something like, I dunno... a shrieking harpy, perhaps?

Who will survive?

2006-08-20T15:57:00.000-05:00

Today's weapon is a powerful spiritual force. Others may try to match it, but none can defeat the horror that is...

(dramatic pause)

Disco Jesus:

Dueling banjos... of DOOM!

2006-08-18T19:02:00.000-05:00

In honor of President Bush's generous pardon of Randall Leece Deal, we here at the Axis have decided to add some singing um... Southerners to our arsenal.

Behold the terrifying Deliverance - the Musical:

The AofA Strategic Defense Initiative...

2006-08-10T19:09:00.000-05:00

In order to build a strong defense, we here at the Axis of the Really Annoying have decided to develop our own Strategic Defense Initiative. The difference between our version of Star Wars and that of President Reagan? Ours actually works.

Yes, it was frighteningly easy for us to come up with an extremely annoying Star Wars defense. I mean, what could be more annoying than Donnie and Marie?

Oh.

Right.

Donnie and Marie and Paul Lynde and Kris Kristofferson.

Damn, that packs a punch:

What's that you say? The audio in that clip is out of synch with the video? By several seconds? Hmmm... that's pretty annoying. But wait! There's a part two! And the sound lines up in this one.

I think you'll find that it doesn't improve things any:

Let this be a warning to any blogofascists who think they can launch a sneak attack on the Axis of the Really Annoying. We have singing stormtroopers patrolling our skies. You cannot defeat us.

But then... how do we have fun?

2006-08-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

Things just haven't been very exciting around here lately. I apologize for that. But I'm sure we can boost the annoying quotient around here in short order. I'd hate for anyone to think our military might had waned.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the latest weapon in our arsenal, the late, great Jermaine Stewart:

And now, a word from our sponsor...

2006-08-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

We temporarily interrupt the blog hostilities to bring you this important message:

Do I hear an echo... echo... echo...

2006-07-31T18:43:00.000-05:00

We are experiencing a moment of peace, in this great video war of '06.

NOT. To stop posting means that we are "cutting and running" and we are no cowards here... we are patriotic video warriors who will not stop till our foes lay down their arms and pledge an undying oath of loyalty to us... The Axis of the Really Annoying.

VLOG ON!

It's quiet. Too quiet...

2006-07-27T08:49:00.000-05:00

Not much has been going on this week, but we at the Axis are not about to get lulled into a false sense of security. We're fully aware that our enemies could strike at any time.

Just to keep those who might wish us harm on their toes, we will now unleash another weapon. A French weapon.

[with a low-to-moderate work-safe warning for shots of semi-topless androgynous people]

Who said the French weren't dangerous?

Our newest weapon...

2006-07-23T12:58:00.000-05:00

Now seems as good a time as any to unveil the latest addition to our arsenal: Naked Zombies!

[with a moderate work-safe warning for occasional zombie breast flashing]

Look what we've found!

2006-07-22T12:27:00.000-05:00

It's shaping up to be a long day here at the Axis, so we may as well get something fired up. OOC, found anything lately?

[OOC]:

Eep. It would appear so.

Humanitarian aid?

2006-07-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

It's fairly quiet today, so Mark decided to be kind and offer something to the innocent bystanders that they might actually enjoy.

[Mark]:

That was nice of you, Mark! How about you, OOC? Are you feeling any kindness toward your fellow man?

[OOC]:

Yikes! I guess not.

I'll try to counteract that with this song from the Electric Company:

That should make up for OOC's little lapse.

Well... maybe.

Back to our regularly scheduled evil tomorrow...

The cease fire ends...

2006-07-19T13:01:00.001-05:00

Roxanne renews hostilities with this act of aggression.

When will people learn?

Coven, share with Roxanne our feelings on her latest atrocity:

See Roxanne? No one wins these things.

Well... no one but us. Quick, OOC, distract her while we prepare the big guns!

[OOC]:

Yes... grainy singing chimpanzees. That should have held her attention just long enough. Mark, have the rabid space bunnies launched yet?

[Mark]:

Excellent! That should quiet her down for a while.

A very patriotic Axis...

2006-07-18T16:43:00.000-05:00

We at the Axis would like to take advantage of this lull in the fighting to demonstrate our patriotism. How better to do that than with a tribute to our first president?

Fire up the Washington Rap, Mark!

[Mark]:

[with a moderate-strong work-safe warning for language and repeated discussion of a Founding Father's genitals]

Top that lyrical mastery, Orrin Hatch!

UPDATE: OOC adds to our patriotic fervor with a very important message from LBJ.

[OOC:]

[slight work safe warning for, well, ewwww...]

Thanks OOC! I'm sure we're all much better Americans for having heard that.

Psychological warfare begins - chirps and cheeps...

2006-07-18T12:23:00.000-05:00

All is quiet on the western front, so we will now begin our subtle efforts at psychological warfare. To prevent our enemies from attacking us with a clear head, we bring forth a song so insidiously evil that it will remain trapped in the minds of all who hear it for days to come.

The innocent may wish to cover their ears and/or take cover, as we present the horror that is:

Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep!

(In two versions, no less)

Version the first:

Version the second:
[with a slight work-safe warning for occasional f-bomb droppage]

Enjoy singing that song the rest of the day, blogofascist pig-dogs!

Crooks and Liars goes down in flames...

2006-07-17T13:09:00.000-05:00

It seems that one Mr. John Amato thinks he can enter the YouTube arms race without notice from us. By cleverly failing to link to our massive displays of video might, perhaps he is trying to fly under our radar and avoid swift and immediate destruction.

Your little plan has failed, Mr. Amato.

Mark! Cue the C&L Destructo-Beam!

[Mark]:

(Our spies report that some of you may have technical difficulties with the ifilm embed. To view the horror, click here).

Well done Mark. I suspect we won't be hearing from him again.

As for the Sadly, No! boys, they have made a misstep in launching an Urkel Rap. As part of our basic training, all members of the Axis receive immunization to bad sitcom "music". We feel such things as a mere tickle.

Observe:

Still, your antics have annoyed us, and I regret that we will have to take a brief break from our normal musical weapons. We now deploy what should act as kryptonite to the evil Mr. R.:

Oh, he's still twitching, Mark! Finish him off!

[Mark]:

That should do it.

That's all for this time, kids, but we haven't forgotten you, Mr. M. We have something special in store for you coming up. Fear us.

Play us out with another display of our aerial might, OOC!

[OOC]:

A show of strength... (Part I)

2006-07-16T20:45:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm… A dilemma has come upon us here at the Axis. While it’s painfully obvious that Mr. Sullivan has not yet learned his lesson, we’re also concerned at the blatant disregard for civilian life that the nefarious Gavin M. has shown in his latest maneuvers. We fear the Axis may yet be too early in its infancy to fight a war on two fronts, but both entities pose a clear threat. We are, well… torn.

Mary McGregor, can you share with the good people our feelings on this?

Well, ok. Thanks, Mary. You got the point across. Sort of.

Anyway, we have decided to proceed with a show of our YouTube might, rather than a direct assault on either party. Mark will now begin this grand parade with a demonstration of our first tactic: Confusion.

[Mark]:

Well done, Mark! Is it Indiana Jones? Is it Casablanca? Not even Peter Cetera knows!

While the infidels are disoriented, we shall hit them with our second tactic: Macho Bullshit Posturing. Here goes:

Before they can recover, we immediately move on to tactic three: Calling In Reinforcements. For this, we would like to welcome the newest member of the Axis, super internets commando OutOfContext. What say you, OOC?

[OOC: While others may bury their head in the sand when the bytes fly, OOCradio is in the sky!]

Dear God, that’s some serious air cover, OOC!

A show of strength... (Part II)

2006-07-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

That demonstration (in Part I) of our awesome Axis powers (and Bob Denver's tongue) should have left all but the most foolhardy of belligerents shaking in their boots. What do you think, Mark?

[Mark]:

How true, how true.

Despite the horrors we have just shown, this is but a small demonstration of our capabilities. Heed our warning, Mr. Sullivan and Mr. M.! You cannot win this war! Do not force us to defend ourselves! The direst of consequences await you if you do!

(For those of you seeking safety in numbers, it is not yet too late to join us in the Axis.)

Andy Andy Andy...

2006-07-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

You had this coming...

[Marita adds: See what you made Mark do? None of us wanted to be exposed to that. And yet you insist on continuing with the YouTube posts. Please. Think of the children!]

Another throws down the gauntlet...

2006-07-14T21:07:00.000-05:00

Some complete amateur called Andrew Sullivan thinks he can enter the fray with this little misfire.

Mr. Sullivan, step away from the YouTube before you hurt yourself. You have no idea what you're up against.

This is going to hurt us a lot more than it hurts you, but:

I'm sure it stings a little, but it could have been much worse. Really. You don't want to escalate this. You should just leave the YouTube to the professionals, and stick to doing... whatever it is you do.

UPDATE: Roxanne throws the always deadly Olsen Twins at the unwitting Sullivan.

UPDATE II: Sadly, No! unleashes this terrifying volley. We reluctantly accept S, N! as a temporary ally in our quest to neutralize the greater evil.

UPDATE III: Pandagon bravely rushes forth with a convincing case for why MBAs should never be left unsupervised, and Land Without Bread busts out a boy band. Surely Sullivan will not survive this onslaught!

A Call To Arms...

2006-07-14T14:14:00.000-05:00

Despite many pleas to desist, the bourgeois swine at Atrios, The Poorman Institute, and Sadly, No! have subjected their loyal commentariats to the most heinous of atrocities: an annoying video war. Not content to own the hearts and minds of their adoring readers, they pushed on in an attempt to destroy their very souls.

Share with the good people our thoughts on the hostilities, Herve:

You would think after leaving the blogosphere in smoldering ruins they would have called it a day. But no, they couldn’t let it go. The vile blogofascists just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I think the Zuiikin English gals can express our feelings on this the best:

As a result, small but resilient factions have begun rising from the ashes, like that bird thing from that one Harry Potter movie. Content at first to leave IED-like comments in the offenders’ blogs, we have moved on to defending ourselves on our own blogs by any means necessary. By employing suicidal Englishmen, Kid Super Power, maniacally yodeling Dutchmen, incomprehensible Germans and even a rappin’ Franciscan priest, we gained the strength necessary to join forces to protect ourselves.

And so, the Axis of the Really Annoying was born. We have summoned up mighty weapons, beginning with the launch of a toxic space baby and venomous fish spit.

The vampires are on our side. As are the aliens, LaToya Jackson, Kojak, magicians, an entire asylum and, well… whatever this is. You will regret the bad blood that you have caused. Despite your best efforts, we have the kittens behind us as well. And if that isn’t enough for you, we also have snakes on a motherfuckin’ plane.

Surrender is your only viable option.

You may think you’re skilled at this video war, but you have other obligations, like pondering wingnuts’ fascination with their own genitalia, lulling the populace to sleep with cute kitten porn, and posting open threads. We, on the other hand, have nothing else to do. And just when you think we’ve run out of weapons, some bored Midwestern housewife or lonely teenager will supply us with more. Give in while you have the chance.

For those of you worn down by this horrible aggression, join us. You too can contribute to our righteous cause.

As for you high-traffic bullies, we hope you rot in the hell you’ve created for the rest of us.

In summation, a quick demonstration of our virtual skills:

We eagerly await the opportunity to discuss the terms of your surrender.

Four Words

2006-07-13T19:23:00.000-05:00

Snakes On A Plane

More like black "Magic"

2006-07-13T19:14:00.000-05:00

Kojak sings!

2006-07-13T19:05:00.000-05:00

This breaks my heart

2006-07-13T17:32:00.000-05:00

Crazy?

2006-07-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

Who inspired Kiss?

2006-07-13T17:13:00.000-05:00

Giggidy, Giggidy, Giggidy

2006-07-13T16:49:00.000-05:00

Is this the real life Quagmire?

And I love my Calendar Girl!

Hot Blood

2006-07-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

You cannot beat this video...

2006-07-13T16:06:00.000-05:00

How can you top Kittens???

No One Rocks Like ALF!

2006-07-13T15:53:00.000-05:00

Let the Wargames begin!

2006-07-13T15:48:00.000-05:00

Mark

Let the evil begin...

2006-07-13T13:56:00.000-05:00

Just a test fire, really.